I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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