This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
