this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
