when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
