I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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