Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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