You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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