can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
