After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
