What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
