my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
