After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
