I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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