I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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