I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
