Im at strip club and am horny
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
