i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
