can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
