just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
