I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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