we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
