last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
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i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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