Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
