Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
