I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
