I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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