I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
