No awkward lesbian experiences without me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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