I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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