hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize