remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
