Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
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Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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