did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
