Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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