Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
