meet me or not, i'm out of control
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
