How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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