I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
