so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
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I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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