I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
