So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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