So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
