My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
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