I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
