Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
