he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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