Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
