i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
