yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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