so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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