She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize