there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
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