Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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