yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need a beard to bite.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
