She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
