I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
