Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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