Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
