I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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