The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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