you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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