That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
