I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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