i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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