Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
