how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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