Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
