p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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