turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
