Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
