My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
