I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
