I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
