I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
