They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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